Zelda 3: The Light World

by The Amazing Brando

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Zelda 3: The Light World contains Episodes 1-4 of The Amazing BrandO's UNrock Opera tribute to the Super Nintendo game 'Zelda 3: A Link To The Past.' Also included are instrumentals of each song from every episode. DIGITALLY REMASTERED!


released July 15, 2012

Arranged, recorded, and produced by The Amazing BrandO. Instrumentation and Lyrics by The Amazing BrandO.

Additional vocals on The Secret Passage, Hyrule Castle, and Lost In The Woods by Danielle Curavo.
Additional vocals on Lost In The Woods by Miguel Morales.

Cover art by Mariano Suarez (alsospratchmariano.deviantart.com)

Zelda 3: A Link To The Past OST composed by Koji Kondo.
Earth Angel written by Curtis Williams.
Clint Eastwood written by 2D, Murdoc Niccals, Del tha Funkee Homosapien.
Piggy written by Trent Reznor.

All original music is owned and copyrighted by its respective companies and copyright holders



all rights reserved
Track Name: Episode 1 [The Secret Passage]
I hear your cries for help, to me and noone else.
What can I do? I’m just an elf. (I’m just an elf with a really large penis)
Who’s that and where’s he goin’ to? (Go to bed!) I don’t like his freakin’ attitude.
What the hell am I supposed to do? (Don‘t make me slap you with my really large penis)
I found a lamp. (That’s right, I found it) I’ll do a dance. (I’m so grounded) I’ll take a chance and I’ll go.
Where are my pants? (I can’t find them) Where are my pants? (I can’t find them)
Where are my pants? I don’t know!
Now I’m walking out in the rain like I’m Oran “Juice” Jones.
She keeps talking, am I insane? She won’t leave me alone.
I rip plants from the ground and then I’m killin’ ya, son, I got 99 problems and a bush ain’t one. (Hit me)
Man on the run, havin’ too much fun, I got 3 hearts, you’ll be left with less than one.
I got a sword now, watch me build it up, release. This is a secret technique from my family tree.
I got the strength of a bear that’s got the strength of a Sheen,
I’m lean and I’m mean. I’m a fff- killin’ machine.
Track Name: Episode 2 [Hyrule Castle]
Gonna stab you all in the throat.
I will kill your face, you don’t wanna fuck with this shit.
I will throw a vase, and then you will die in one hit.
Zelda, I’m comin’ to the rescue (now that I got a sword and shield lemme)
tell ya, I’m leavin quite a mess too (fight my way to the basement what a fuckin)
hassle, I'll push you off the ledge, dude. (I'm gonna stab you in the fuckin)
asshole. I'm killin all your friends too (I'm gonna kill you, I kill everybody)
I'm on my way, there ain't nothin' to fear. I'll take you far, far away from here.
I've got a plan. I am the man. Don't you worry baby, dry those tears because
I would run a gauntlet, I'd travel through time, I would pull the wrong switch just to call you mine.
I'm gonna hit you with a vase, then i will throw my boomerang.
I'm gonna stab right through your face, gonna put you in your place, gonna save the fuckin’ day.
Zelda (Hm?) will you give me a kiss? (No)
Zelda (Link?) how ya gonna do me like this? (I think there's a chance we might be)
Destined! It's true so just accept it. (Where on Earth did you hear that?)
Hey I got a Question. (Hm?) Is this the right direction? (Yeah, keep goin' and we're almost there)
I'm gonna fight these fuckin' guys (why don't you just leave them alone)
I'm gonna stab them in their eye (please would you just leave them alone)
I'm gonna rip out all their hearts, and I'll rob them and I'll fart in their mouth and break their stuff
(Link you're outta control)
Well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess Zelda, Who put you in charge? (I'm the Princess..?)
Just do what I tell ya, my penis is large (really large penis)
Help me move this shelf, bitch, before I slap you with my junk. I don't give a goddamn if it's that time of the month,
I didn't ask for this shit. I'm doin the best I can, so shut your mouth or go south because you know I'm the man.
Track Name: Episode 3 [The Chosen One]
Princess Zelda, you’re alive! I can’t believe that you survived with this strange fellow as your guide.
I’m really surprised you made it! Hey, are you guys related? He must be the chosen one for no apparent reason at all.
I saved the Princess. I should be gettin’ some head, but I’m stuck with my dick in my hand,
and a shield in the other instead. But I’m feelin’ good, you know I’m feelin’ all right. (Come on)
Gonna save Hyrule tonight, ‘cos I’m the man. (I kill evil with my really large penis)
Hyrule, I walk through the fields, but it always feels like somebody’s watching me.
I waddle around, I’m the talk of the town. Haunted burial ground. Ghost bee! (omgrunawayohesgonnastingme)
Zelda, I hope you understand that I am the man. God help us.
I’ll face the darkness, the angels hearken! Your face, I’ll fart in. I’m tearin’ apart this land. (Large penis)
Asshole, you don’t even know. I’ll cut off your toe, and then I will laugh at you.
I’m takin’ you down. I’m not messin’ around. Where the hell is the town?
Oh shit, (where’s the map, there it is, gotta find the village) elder... but he’s over there.
I don’t even care. Let’s do this! You cannot scare me. Be more than wary. I omnom fairies.
I’m savin’ the day. Why not? (Large penis)
That broom is not a rake. Your grandma’s gone insane. A bee came and stung me, I ran away.
This kid gave me a net. I chased a guy in red. I’ll fight all these chickens. Oh, shit, I’m dead.
I walk through the village. Something isn’t right. I wonder what’s going on. I’ll read this sign.
Earth angel, earth angel, will you be mine? My darling dear, love you all the time. I’m just a fool.
A fool in love with you. Earth angel, earth angel, the one I adore. Love you forever and evermore.
I’m just a fool. A fool in love with you.
Track Name: Episode 4 [Lost In The Woods]
Sahasrahla, where the boots at? (Gimme the boots) I know about your boots, man. (Gimme the boots)
Hand over the boots you mother- (Gimme the boots) Wouldn’t it be easier to gimme the boots?
First you have to prove you have what it takes. (What?)
First you have to prove you have what it takes.
Get the pendant from the Palace in the East. Vanquish the evil! Kill the beast!
Secondly, you have to be my only friend. (What?) I said you have to be my only friend!
Best friends until the end and stuff. Go get the pendant, prove you’re tough!
And then come back and we can watch Matlock together. I’ll call you on the tile. I <3 you!
In the woods, I get lost in the fog. Is this the Master Sword, OMG.
Hey, waitaminute, this can’t be the one. I’ll throw it at this guy justforthefun.
The mullet’s awesome and all, but I think I should run.
It’s a hipster pickle, OMG. I’m a Cucumber Man, actually.
I give no fff- I’ll kill you anyway. I’ll boomerang you, shank you in the face. A magic mushroom, O, what a glorious day!
I’m happy, I’m feelin’ glad. I‘ve got sunshine in a bag. I’m useless, but not for long. The future is comin’ on.
Nothin’ can stop me now. Nothin‘ can stop me now ‘cuz I just don’t care.
(You will die here!) I will win! (I will destroy you!) Watch me spin!
You’ve been deflected! (You are weak!) I am the hero, the name’s Link.
(You’ve won this time!) I win always! (We shall soon see, boy!) Call me!
(I’ve gathered up all the missing girls! I’ll draw you into the darkest world!)